What a weekend.

This weekend is classified. I’m not saying that to sound really cool or on the edge, but really, those involved Saturday told me I’m not allowed to blog about it.

So, instead of telling you about my Saturday, and the interesting twists and turns and near-follys, I’ll just tell you that I am now up to halfway through the third prequel to the Star Wars series – and that I am entirely obsessed, and really really want to go and finish watching it in my basement. But, then my mom will say that I forgot a sock down there, and I will be lectured for what feels like hours on the importance of leaving my socks where they belong, i.e., on my feet, or in the sock drawer.

Also, I cooked for the first time  today. And it was amazing.

Okay, it wasn’t quite the first time. But it was my first time since getting this new cookbook, Eat What You Love. I got it from Books-A-Million on Sunday, and today I made myself -and Steve – brown sugar cinnamon French toast.

He gave it an 8.5 out of 10, which is pretty good considering the guy has had food from several hemispheres.

The main issue was that, towards the end of the batch, the brown sugar was slowly burning to the basin of the skillet…then attaching itself to the bottom of the toast…effectively burning the end of the French toast. Besides this rookie mistake, though, it wasn’t half bad for my first try at French toast ever.

I also ate an excessive amount of General Tso’s chicken, which I really must stop eating, because I’m developing chubby cheeks. On my face, you perverts.

Isn’t it usually the boy that is insensitive on Valentine’s Day?

So I’m a fuck up. This post isn’t going to be about my opinion on current events, or anything of relevance to life outside of my bubble.  This is going to be me, bitching, a lot, about how I, Bridget Reed Carson, single handedly was  the Grinch that fucked up Valentine’s Day.

I won’t get into the icky bits of it, because Steve likes his privacy, and this isn’t his time for getting out how much of a (insert imaginary expletive here for boyfriend that actually isn’t imaginary expletive).

But, basically, Steve and I had a pretty lackluster Valentine’s Day, and we didn’t see each other at all, and this upset me. I’m not a girl that wants an over the top Valentine’s Day. My first-and only other-boyfriend on Valentine’s Day went completely over the top, and I hated it. It was awkward, and I definitely felt like I owed him more than the CD I purchased for him the night before. But I still wanted to, you know…see him.

But, you know, I had an alright day anyway…kind of felt lousy at certain points, but it was alright overall, and really nice when I got to talk to Steve.

One point to bring up: I have the most horrific self esteem in the world. Despite the fact that NOW people tell me I’m pretty, and my skinniness isn’t TOO skinny, and I have nice hair, up until Steve told me that…every one kind of thought the opposite. Blatantly thought the opposite. So I have self esteem body appearance issues. Shoot me, I’m a teenage girl.

But, I digress.

Steve and I were looking at prom dresses online…and then I looked at how flawless the model’s skin was. Now, I don’t usually have bad skin; however, during the winter, my face is dryer than dirt. So it’s flaky, and awful, and it brings down my confidence a lot because I’m thinking “shit, I look like corn flakes,” every morning when I’m walking out the door to the bus.

So, I’m thinking that, and I start getting really upset, and Steve asks me what’s wrong, and I tell him, and he attempts to cheer me up…You know, you’re beautiful, I wouldn’t change a thing, all the adorable things that awesome boyfriend’s say when their girl is down in the dumps.

Now, I have no idea what came over me, but I just became the biggest bitch. He started getting upset since I was inconsolably sad (I kept thinking of us walking into prom, I’m wearing a gorgeous dress, he’s looking handsome…then there’s me, with the corn flakes). He said he was sad too, because he couldn’t cheer me up, and it just turned me into a huge bitch after that.

Needless to say, we got into an argument, where he basically said he was hurt and I reared this huge, ugly head at him and acted like a big, bitchy,dragoness, asshole. And am still an asshole. And a big, bitchy, dragoness asshole. I have absolutely no idea where that came from, either. I’m just so angry at myself right now. I never screw up like this. I mean, sure, I’ll say something stupid, or I’ll get pissed off at something he’s doing to intentionally piss me off, but it’s never like…anything important. It’s never A HOLIDAY WE HAD PLANNED OUT TO BE AWESOME. AND I FUCKED IT UP HARD.

I’m not even that kind of person! I’m like…sweet. and friendly. and optimistic. and not a huge bubble snouted vomit cannon.

Fuck.I feel so shitty. I have a few ideas to try to make it better…But I cannot believe that I single handedly became the Grinch that stole Valentine’s Day.

Why are police always scrutinized after using weapons?

Earlier this morning (about twenty minutes ago, to be precise), I was reading an article in the Sydney Morning Herald on a death of a man who came at police with two knives, forty minutes after the officers were called on the scene due to a domestic disturbance. The Deputy Chief Police Officer Bruce Hill told the press that “[the officer] was fearing for his own life at the time…this is an extremely tragic situation.”

Not to be insensitive to the family of the knife-wielder, Nathan Doherty, 27, but honestly – how is this a tragic situation? Perhaps I’m too much of a realist when it comes issues such as this, but the man had previously been shot at by police due to almost identical circumstances. He was not an innocent bystander. He was not a child who just so happened to be in the way. He was not a prominent charity worker, nor was he Bono.

So how is this extremely tragic? He came at an officer with a knife. This is not tragic, this is a case of several police officers defending themselves with their firearms, and rightfully so.

Another point, which is the main reason for writing this post: why are police always scrutinized after using their weapons? That is why they are given the firearms, isn’t it? So that they can defend themselves from harm, i.e, the crazies.

It has never made any sense to me that an officer that shoots another man in defense. They are given weapons in order to maintain the peace. So why can’t an officer use his firearms to maintain his own peace of mind when in a situation that demands it? I’m not condoning officers to go ahead and open fire at will, but when they actually need it.

How many times has one of these investigations into a shot fired by police actually turns out to have been purely a malicious and cold blooded shooting? I feel that the media has forced us to see the police using their weapons as the beginnings of some sort of police-state, where everything is handled with guns, not with courts and handcuffs. Every time an officer uses his or her weapon, they are heavily scrutinized, investigated, put on leave for a time being, and then, typically, allowed back into the force.

My main concern with all of the scrutiny is that officers, seeing how their brother and sister officers are handled after using their firearms in self defense, will hesitate to use their weapons in the line of fire. This would lead to many more police fatalities, once the number of officers that are not scared to fire decreases due to the rather high potential of being investigated, and losing one’s reputation. The media will always go ahead and report when an officer has used his weapon – but how many times will they later go back and say it was justifiable?

Endings

Here’s an old poem that I wrote back in September, immediately following the loss of sunny days and star-struck nights.

Sun shining bright

on my eyes,

warm in the cool

summer breeze.

The end of bliss

and never ending wonder,

of blazing sunsets

and new beginnings.

Picnic blankets and bare feet

in the middle of an empty field.

Tall grass swaying,

as we lay playing,

soaking in the last of our youth

in the late summer sun

of September.

Wasting days away

dreaming of freedom,

of friendship,

of love,

and of each other

in the warmth

of that cool summer sun.

Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week (February 10 and 11)

I’m an active member of my school’s newspaper (the Hatchat ), and am currently signed up to write three articles for the upcoming issue (and my head starts exploding at the thought, and my mind trickles out my ears and onto my keyboard). I’m not quite sure why I am insane enough to do this (my boyfriend has suggested they pulled me out of my mother from the from direction, thanks honey); however, I’ve signed up for them, and so I shall write them. The one article is on the current Mercedes-Benz Fashion week, usually held in Bryant Park, but from my understanding it seems to have been moved to Damsroch Park at the Lincoln Center. In the past two days, the following designers have conducted shows:

• BCBG Max Azria
• Jenni Kayne
• Steven Alan
• Richard Chai
• Vena Cava
• Lyn Devon
• Luca Luca
• Organic by John Patrick
• Nicholas K
• Mara Hoffman
• Tadashi Shoji
• Rachel Comey
• Christian Siriano
• Peter Som
• Jeremy Laing
• Rebecca Taylor
• Costello Tagliapietra
• Rebecca Minkoff
• Rag & Bone
• Cynthia Rowley
• ThreeASFOUR
• Nicole Miller
• Z Spoke
• Ruffian
• Tess Giberson
• Jason Wu
• (and) Doo.Ri

During this time, I have extensively been trying to check out the shows -obviously, from at home – and have come up with a general idea as to what the Fall 2011 season is supposed to be about.

Manrepellers. Every model on those runways, no matter how stunningly gorgeous, was draped, covered, drowning in an ocean of body-concealing cloth. Conservative hemlines -and especially necklines, considering the current era- , somber neutrals and outerwear ruled the roost for the first two nights at Damsroch Park. Most pants, skirts, and dresses skimmed the floor, with several cascading down the model’s legs in tiered waterfalls.

Many traditional autumn trends were also present: camel colored jackets and skirts, brunette buckled boots, and neutrals with pops of bright, primary colors.

Personal favorites so far have been Jenni Kayne and Tadashi Shoji. Though neither designer has followed (what seems to be) the trend (hopefully only a minor fad) this upcoming season of falling out of bed and walking out the door in your most unflattering, body avoiding sweaters and pants, they both have taken a more beautiful take on the season.

Jenni Kayne paraded a number of gorgeous, jewel toned skirts, dresses, and pants down the runway on Thursday.

Jenni Kayne, Autumn 2011 Collection.

A trio of models found themselves in bright magenta, while another grouping could be spotted in lustrous, sky blues. Kayne’s line also was one of the most wearable in public, with almost every outfit in the show sporting contrasting, yet beautifully flattering, colors. She definitely is going to be the first designer I hit up come next September and October, when my cravings for jewel tones and boots is revitalized.

Tadashi Shoji Autumn 2011 Collection

Another designer that impressed this blogger was Tadashi Shoji. His solely-dresses collection swept me off my feet as I clicked through the thirty-five photo long slideshow of his work.
Each dress was more beautiful than the next, as well as completely unique – and, interestingly enough, they are all completely wearable in a day to night life. Each has it’s own niche, but they are all so interchangeable and workable. Many of them I could wear out to school during the day, and with a slight addition of an accessory or two, abscond from the aforementioned prison and jet set off to the nearest social gathering. Shoji showed off a flock of billowy frocks, many skimming the runway, as well as a multitude of shorter dresses; however, none were ‘slutty’ short, with most of the shorter dresses being around mid-thigh length. A rainbow of colors were presented, along with a wide variety of printed and patterned fabrics.

An honorable mention was also Jason Wu; mainly, however, due to this gorgeous number that I really, really have been obsessing over since I laid eyes on it.

Jason Wu Autumn 2011 Collection

Egypt

What is going on in Egypt right now is astounding me. As young as I am, it still has inspired me that we can change the world around us. Rantings of a Sandmonkey is one of many Egyptian protesters, and one of the online faces of the current revolution in the country. Determined to follow in the example set by the Jasmine Revolution in Tunisia, the Egyptian people have been fighting in any means possible (though, mainly, the protests have been relatively peaceful) for their freedoms, and their need to live free of the Mubarak regime. Many people have been killed (Man shot by police in Alexandra) as they stood bravely to show the world that they yearn to possess the same rights that their brothers and sisters in Democratic countries already possess.

This has made me think – an entire country is voicing their opinions. Such a previously (let’s be honest now) irrelevant country in the eyes of many young Americans such as myself has sprung up from its oppression to make a voice for itself, and make its cries for revolution heard. Their previous claims to fame were the gods and goddesses of their ancient culture – now, it is their actions, their voices, and their revolution, that will take the place of the previous conception.

Though I am clearly not oppressed as the Egyptians are, it has made me realize that we all have a voice. Even if it is small, we have a voice. And even if we don’t think that anyone can hear, or will hear, or even wants to hear, we have a voice.

And I intend to use mine.